It's been a week or so since Rey decided to have her chip removed, and less since she stopped trying quite so hard to keep her mind quite so tightly shielded when she wasn't actively around another Force user. It got tiring fast, given the number of them here.
Still, she's not expecting the familiar rushing noise in her head followed by the sensation of parts of her present space falling away. She'd been relaxing, for once, sitting outdoors in a sunny patch of ground and reading a book. Her guard was as lowered as it ever was anywhere outside her own apartment. Perhaps moreso, since there weren't as many people right here.
She sighs, not turning to acknowledge the presence she can feel behind her, but addressing him all the same.
"We could try ignoring each other. Respecting each other's personal space. Just going away."
It's as unexpected to him as it is to her, not least because the last time he'd seen her, it didn't seem that she'd changed her mind about keeping the chip purely to keep this from happening.
"It would seem the Force has other plans." He's done what she wanted until now and avoided speaking to her in person. Fighting against this would take effort he's not so inclined to invest. That shouldn't be a surprise to her. Though if pressed, he might admit to not really seeing the point of trying to communicate by now. He's just glad the Force chose a moment when he was fully dressed this time.
That had never been her intent, no matter what he might think. She'd just wanted a break from having to be constantly on alert. It had been exhausting, always half-expecting him to show up when she could least afford the distraction.
There were too many benefits to regaining use of the Force to indulge her desire for rest, however. And even if her encounter with Vader had hurried it along a touch faster than she otherwise might've, there's no reason to volunteer that information to him.
An incredulous, "hm," is his rebuttal to that. Given the way she'd put it to him, it's really no wonder he made that assumption. He won't argue with the decision, though. There are far more disadvantages to keeping it than there are advantages, at least for them.
A moment of silence ensues as he realises he isn't sure what to say. There are plenty of things he could, under other circumstances, but far fewer that he's willing to bring up as it stands. His eyes scan her, ultimately noting the book in her hand.
She huffs a sigh and holds up the book in question, the one she'd won at the cost of some of her dignity. Its pages are still a little warped around the edges, despite her best attempts at drying it and pressing the pages. She's just grateful it's still readable.
"It's a history of the two planets before their collision. If you're going to stay, you can at least stop looming."
She doesn't make room for him so much as look pointedly at the open space next to her. There's plenty of room for him to sit without crowding her and without making her feel quite so towered over. It's not the warmest of invitations, but they're not enemies anymore. She'd like to reach some sort of understanding that would allow them to simply exist in the same space without resentment.
It's more of an invitation that he was expecting. Enough to prompt him to settle down into the space she'd indicated, keeping a small distance between him. It's less awkward for him, as well.
"Have you learned anything useful?" It's the most practical question he could ask. Since they're both trying to find a way out of this strange situation, he assumes she'll be willing to talk about that much.
She shrugs and stubbornly tries to keep reading the same sentence she's already re-read three times.
"I don't know about useful, but unless someone drops the Jedi texts back in my lap it'll do."
If she can understand the conflict -- and the strange way that magic seems to function here -- maybe she'll have some of the tools to get herself back home. In the meantime, it's at least interesting enough to spend a peaceful afternoon on. And the Jedi texts aren't nearly as useful as the actual real-life Jedi she's become acquainted with, anyway. Theory had only gotten her so far.
He's about to comment on how unlikely it is that the Jedi texts will suddenly end up here, but then he remembers just how many other times this place has defied his expectations. He can't imagine why the Sylphid would be interested in books, but then, he also can't understand the logic of seeking out his mother while she was still a child.
"With how strange this place is, I wouldn't be too surprised if that happened."
Rey's about to agree that it had already given her access to an actual Jedi Master, but Obi-Wan was still resisting that title. However, it reminds her of the revelation that had been lingering unremarked upon for some time now. It's enough to shift her gaze from her book over to him at last.
"I didn't know you were named for Obi-Wan Kenobi."
Leia had never mentioned it back home, and the official version of events recorded in the texts themselves never mentioned the name that Master Kenobi had assumed in hiding. She'd found out from Luke by sheer accident.
"Master Kenobi introduced himself to me as Ben. When I told Luke about your existence he connected the dots."
She's not really supposed to call him Master Kenobi, either, but it's difficult when speaking of someone you'd never dreamed you'd get to speak to. Besides, she wants him to teach her Jedi things, and maybe if she keeps at it he'll relent and take her on as a student in a more official capacity. Not that she's going to say any of that to Kylo.
Rey looks as though she's been caught at something she wasn't supposed to be doing and mentally curses herself for speaking to Kylo at all. She ought to have kept her resolve to only show him as much civility as strictly necessary. Well, too late for that now.
"I thought you would've found out by now one way or another."
Both the twins knew it, and since Kylo had his chip out she imagined he'd have picked up the presence of another strong Force user. Then again, she's not sure if Obi-Wan has had his chip removed yet, and he had kept himself hidden from Vader for years.
Another thought strikes her then, one she hadn't considered until now.
Amazingly, he hasn't. But it's not as if he's spoken to any other Jedi outside of a few brief and tumultuous encounters. As it is, he's not certain his namesake is anyone he ever wants to meet in person.
The further question prompts a slightly raised eyebrow. "Yes, I've spoken to him." He leaves it at that for now, not willing to divulge just how meaningful an encounter that had been when he's certain she'll have far different opinions.
She ought to leave it there as well. Half a dozen cutting remarks had come to mind in the space between meeting Vader and this moment, and yet none of them are what she chooses now. There's an air of resignation about her that wasn't there a moment ago. A certain sadness that she can't bring herself to name.
"He's... different than I thought," she settles upon at last, looking down at her forgotten book. She'd been incandescently angry when she'd confronted Vader, but he'd managed to surprise her all the same.
Any of those cutting remarks would have fallen precisely in the range of what he expects. She'd greeted him with accusation and by now had long returned to it. It was clear enough that she would think even less of his grandfather.
She shakes her head, not trusting herself to speak. She'd hurled accusations at Vader, of the harm he'd done to his children; she'd prepared herself to stand between them if he threatened either one. She hadn't considered that he might care. That he wouldn't seek to immediately twist either of them to his own ends.
Or that one might have good in them and still continue to choose the Dark.
"I'm sure he's very proud of you," she manages at last. It's not entirely the biting judgment she would have liked it to be. She doesn't dare lift her eyes to see his response, lest he note the faint wetness about her own.
He could easily imagine her spitting those words as a curse. That's not what this is. It's far more complicated.
"He is." If she had, then his tone back might have matched hers even if the words didn't change. As it stands, they carry all the wonder and relief he feels over having seen how highly his grandfather regards him.
She bites down on the inside of her lip until she tastes blood, until the sting is enough to stop the sob that wants to escape. This is why she's kept him out. Vader had surprised her, but he'd killed the last vestiges of a hope she didn't know she still held until it was gone.
There won't be any turning back now, not for Kylo. Not now that he's earned the approval of the only person that would ever matter. She'd been foolish to ever hope she could've been enough to sway him. And she knows, now, that she won't stop caring either. Right up to the day she has to kill him.
It's too much to bear, and a small choked sound escapes her in spite of her best efforts.
He isn't the only person who would ever matter. Rey could. She does, except that she's tried so hard to make herself utterly inaccessible to him. She had made him feel seen, briefly. She had given him the strength to kill Snoke. And then she had abandoned him for not being good enough, just like everyone else in his life.
She can't even guess at how many times he's cursed himself for still caring about her, but he does, even now.
He hears that sob. More importantly, he feels it, that painful sadness reverberating in the space between them. He doesn't understand it, but the urge to comfort is reflexive. It wouldn't be for anyone else, but it is for her. He reaches a hand out to gently rest on her shoulder before he has a chance to think about it.
She hates how easy it is to break her resolve after a year of building it up. She wants to pull away, to forcibly shut their bond down, to throw every wall back into place more firmly than ever. She should do that. It would be better for them both.
But just that light touch is enough to bring it all back into sharp focus; the way she'd felt the first time their hands had touched. The future that still felt solid and clear even now, even when it was no longer possible.
"Don't."
It's barely spoken aloud, and she immediately confuses the issue further by covering his hand with her own and clutching at it like he could stop her from flying entirely apart. Silent sobs shake her shoulders; she can't say anything more. She doesn't even know what she means. The twin desires to flee and to cling tighter leave her frozen in her misery, waiting for the bond to cut out and grant her a reprieve.
Had she simply said that, he would have pulled away. But she keeps him from it, holding his hand in place and leaving him as confused as she is, and also as conflicted. He can feel that simultaneous pull and push from her and he doesn't know how to respond to either.
He wonders what he would want, in her position, and flashes of memory rise in answer. Snoke, a year in the past, wiping a tear from his face and berating its existence. And Vader, only a few days ago, watching tears well in his eyes and making no comment at all on it at all save for a comforting hand on his shoulder.
He doesn't understand what this is. He's not sure whether he can forgive her for her betrayals, and he's sure she likewise hasn't forgiven him. But for right at this moment, he finds himself very quietly saying, "It's okay. You can cry."
She barely understands what this is, other than perhaps acknowledging the loss she'd felt when she'd left him a year ago. She hadn't been able to express it to anyone else; if anyone had noticed her sadness, they'd attributed it to the same losses they'd all suffered. Leia had seen a little more, but she never pressed, and so Rey had never cried for the hope that had shattered that day, save for the tears she shed in front of him.
It wasn't right that he should get so many of her tears, but who else? Who else could have known the depth of regret she felt? She hadn't made a secret of her hopes; that she was angry with him didn't mean she'd never wanted more.
And his offer now was so gentle, she couldn't help but allow her tears to fall freely, curling a little more tightly in on herself but not releasing his hand.
Does it hurt you, too?
The silent question goes unspoken, but perhaps he can pick it up in between her quietly hitching sobs.
He hears that question, in the way her thoughts are sometimes loud when her voice is silent. He wonders briefly what it means, whether there's any specific "it" in question. In the end, he realises it doesn't matter. What of anything that's passed between them hasn't been painful, in some way or another?
It's a while before she can gather herself together enough to speak, but she finally does, lifting her head to look at him and releasing the desperate grip she's kept on his hand.
"I'm sorry."
For falling apart on him. For shutting him out so completely even here. For rebuffing his attempts at simple conversation.
For walking away and leaving him behind on a burning ship.
For all the things this moment can't change going forward. They're not enemies here, but who's to say they won't be again? She knows, now, the danger of hope. She's not sure she can bear to allow him any closer when the reality is that one day they'll have to go back to opposing sides, but neither is she sure she can keep going on as she has been.
"I don't want us to keep hurting each other."
It's a tiny plea to this universe as much as it's an admission to him. Show me a way forward and I'll take it. Something had to be better than the way they've been going on.
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chiming
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Date: 2022-09-06 02:16 am (UTC)From:Still, she's not expecting the familiar rushing noise in her head followed by the sensation of parts of her present space falling away. She'd been relaxing, for once, sitting outdoors in a sunny patch of ground and reading a book. Her guard was as lowered as it ever was anywhere outside her own apartment. Perhaps moreso, since there weren't as many people right here.
She sighs, not turning to acknowledge the presence she can feel behind her, but addressing him all the same.
"We could try ignoring each other. Respecting each other's personal space. Just going away."
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Date: 2022-09-06 02:27 am (UTC)From:"It would seem the Force has other plans." He's done what she wanted until now and avoided speaking to her in person. Fighting against this would take effort he's not so inclined to invest. That shouldn't be a surprise to her. Though if pressed, he might admit to not really seeing the point of trying to communicate by now. He's just glad the Force chose a moment when he was fully dressed this time.
"I see you got your chip out."
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Date: 2022-09-06 02:36 am (UTC)From:That had never been her intent, no matter what he might think. She'd just wanted a break from having to be constantly on alert. It had been exhausting, always half-expecting him to show up when she could least afford the distraction.
There were too many benefits to regaining use of the Force to indulge her desire for rest, however. And even if her encounter with Vader had hurried it along a touch faster than she otherwise might've, there's no reason to volunteer that information to him.
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Date: 2022-09-06 02:53 am (UTC)From:A moment of silence ensues as he realises he isn't sure what to say. There are plenty of things he could, under other circumstances, but far fewer that he's willing to bring up as it stands. His eyes scan her, ultimately noting the book in her hand.
"What are you reading?"
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Date: 2022-09-06 03:03 am (UTC)From:"It's a history of the two planets before their collision. If you're going to stay, you can at least stop looming."
She doesn't make room for him so much as look pointedly at the open space next to her. There's plenty of room for him to sit without crowding her and without making her feel quite so towered over. It's not the warmest of invitations, but they're not enemies anymore. She'd like to reach some sort of understanding that would allow them to simply exist in the same space without resentment.
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Date: 2022-09-06 03:13 am (UTC)From:"Have you learned anything useful?" It's the most practical question he could ask. Since they're both trying to find a way out of this strange situation, he assumes she'll be willing to talk about that much.
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Date: 2022-09-06 03:24 am (UTC)From:"I don't know about useful, but unless someone drops the Jedi texts back in my lap it'll do."
If she can understand the conflict -- and the strange way that magic seems to function here -- maybe she'll have some of the tools to get herself back home. In the meantime, it's at least interesting enough to spend a peaceful afternoon on. And the Jedi texts aren't nearly as useful as the actual real-life Jedi she's become acquainted with, anyway. Theory had only gotten her so far.
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Date: 2022-09-06 03:56 am (UTC)From:"With how strange this place is, I wouldn't be too surprised if that happened."
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Date: 2022-09-06 12:35 pm (UTC)From:"I didn't know you were named for Obi-Wan Kenobi."
Leia had never mentioned it back home, and the official version of events recorded in the texts themselves never mentioned the name that Master Kenobi had assumed in hiding. She'd found out from Luke by sheer accident.
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Date: 2022-09-07 11:17 pm (UTC)From:"How did you learn that?" It's not as if there's anyone here who knows anything about when he was born. They're all from too early on.
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Date: 2022-09-07 11:44 pm (UTC)From:She's not really supposed to call him Master Kenobi, either, but it's difficult when speaking of someone you'd never dreamed you'd get to speak to. Besides, she wants him to teach her Jedi things, and maybe if she keeps at it he'll relent and take her on as a student in a more official capacity. Not that she's going to say any of that to Kylo.
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Date: 2022-09-07 11:51 pm (UTC)From:"He's here? Obi-Wan Kenobi?"
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Date: 2022-09-08 12:01 am (UTC)From:"I thought you would've found out by now one way or another."
Both the twins knew it, and since Kylo had his chip out she imagined he'd have picked up the presence of another strong Force user. Then again, she's not sure if Obi-Wan has had his chip removed yet, and he had kept himself hidden from Vader for years.
Another thought strikes her then, one she hadn't considered until now.
"You do know Vader's here, right?"
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Date: 2022-09-08 01:41 am (UTC)From:The further question prompts a slightly raised eyebrow. "Yes, I've spoken to him." He leaves it at that for now, not willing to divulge just how meaningful an encounter that had been when he's certain she'll have far different opinions.
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Date: 2022-09-08 01:52 am (UTC)From:"He's... different than I thought," she settles upon at last, looking down at her forgotten book. She'd been incandescently angry when she'd confronted Vader, but he'd managed to surprise her all the same.
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Date: 2022-09-08 02:00 am (UTC)From:That reply, however, he doesn't expect. "Oh?"
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Date: 2022-09-08 02:16 am (UTC)From:Or that one might have good in them and still continue to choose the Dark.
"I'm sure he's very proud of you," she manages at last. It's not entirely the biting judgment she would have liked it to be. She doesn't dare lift her eyes to see his response, lest he note the faint wetness about her own.
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Date: 2022-09-08 02:35 am (UTC)From:"He is." If she had, then his tone back might have matched hers even if the words didn't change. As it stands, they carry all the wonder and relief he feels over having seen how highly his grandfather regards him.
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Date: 2022-09-08 02:43 am (UTC)From:There won't be any turning back now, not for Kylo. Not now that he's earned the approval of the only person that would ever matter. She'd been foolish to ever hope she could've been enough to sway him. And she knows, now, that she won't stop caring either. Right up to the day she has to kill him.
It's too much to bear, and a small choked sound escapes her in spite of her best efforts.
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Date: 2022-09-08 02:56 am (UTC)From:She can't even guess at how many times he's cursed himself for still caring about her, but he does, even now.
He hears that sob. More importantly, he feels it, that painful sadness reverberating in the space between them. He doesn't understand it, but the urge to comfort is reflexive. It wouldn't be for anyone else, but it is for her. He reaches a hand out to gently rest on her shoulder before he has a chance to think about it.
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Date: 2022-09-08 03:13 am (UTC)From:But just that light touch is enough to bring it all back into sharp focus; the way she'd felt the first time their hands had touched. The future that still felt solid and clear even now, even when it was no longer possible.
"Don't."
It's barely spoken aloud, and she immediately confuses the issue further by covering his hand with her own and clutching at it like he could stop her from flying entirely apart. Silent sobs shake her shoulders; she can't say anything more. She doesn't even know what she means. The twin desires to flee and to cling tighter leave her frozen in her misery, waiting for the bond to cut out and grant her a reprieve.
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Date: 2022-09-08 03:40 am (UTC)From:He wonders what he would want, in her position, and flashes of memory rise in answer. Snoke, a year in the past, wiping a tear from his face and berating its existence. And Vader, only a few days ago, watching tears well in his eyes and making no comment at all on it at all save for a comforting hand on his shoulder.
He doesn't understand what this is. He's not sure whether he can forgive her for her betrayals, and he's sure she likewise hasn't forgiven him. But for right at this moment, he finds himself very quietly saying, "It's okay. You can cry."
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Date: 2022-09-08 04:00 am (UTC)From:It wasn't right that he should get so many of her tears, but who else? Who else could have known the depth of regret she felt? She hadn't made a secret of her hopes; that she was angry with him didn't mean she'd never wanted more.
And his offer now was so gentle, she couldn't help but allow her tears to fall freely, curling a little more tightly in on herself but not releasing his hand.
Does it hurt you, too?
The silent question goes unspoken, but perhaps he can pick it up in between her quietly hitching sobs.
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Date: 2022-09-08 04:38 am (UTC)From:His reply is just as silent, and just as loud.
Yes, it does.
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Date: 2022-09-08 01:47 pm (UTC)From:"I'm sorry."
For falling apart on him. For shutting him out so completely even here. For rebuffing his attempts at simple conversation.
For walking away and leaving him behind on a burning ship.
For all the things this moment can't change going forward. They're not enemies here, but who's to say they won't be again? She knows, now, the danger of hope. She's not sure she can bear to allow him any closer when the reality is that one day they'll have to go back to opposing sides, but neither is she sure she can keep going on as she has been.
"I don't want us to keep hurting each other."
It's a tiny plea to this universe as much as it's an admission to him. Show me a way forward and I'll take it. Something had to be better than the way they've been going on.
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