(no subject)

[forcecalls]

(scattered excerpts from the writings of Ben Solo, formerly Kylo Ren, formerly Jedi, formerly Sith, now undefined)

[What follows are the musings of a man trying to wrap his mind around what he is, to define a new generation, and to keep himself busy in the way his wife asked him to. They will be in no particular order, probably not even chronological.]

[relevant psl]

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Meditation

[forcecalls]

Meditation is a mainstay of any Force practice, though the specifics differ. I will discuss them here in the order I learned them.

The preferred form of meditation for the Jedi involves emptying the mind. One takes note of any emotions they feel, but then releases them, one by one, allowing the Force to fill the void. I doubt I can describe how to do this; to this day, I don't believe I've ever succeeded at it, though I may have enough to convince others. There has always been too much I could not let go of, distracting from the process. I could focus. I could tap into the Force. I could not wipe clean the contents of my mind or my heart, nor did I want to.

The Sith spend no effort on removing emotions. They focus and heighten them, instead. The Sith meditate in rage, letting it fill every fiber of their being. By allowing it to expand, it become that much more powerful. By focusing it and allowing it to mingle with the Force itself, it becomes a sharpened weapon. It is, on the surface, an easier task than creating a false emptiness, but this, too, requires letting go of all things but that rage. Again, I have never managed it.

What has worked, in my experience, is, as usual, simultaneously both and neither. I make no effort to make space for the Force to fill; doing so only leads to frustration. Rather, I sort through what exists, honing in on one place, but never losing awareness of the rest. One does not need to make room for the Force, only to look for it.

Like the Sith, I use emotion as a focus, sifting through until there is only one at the forefront. In the past, it was usually anger. Sometimes it still is, but more often recently, love is the easiest. There are times when this is all I want, to sit in that one feeling and give it focus and strength. But sometimes, like the Jedi, there is another step beyond that, to nothing but the Force itself. There, in the eye of the storm, is balance, chaotic and peaceful at once, neither light nor dark. It is power. It is truth. It is clarity. And it is always there, no matter how much the tumult of thoughts and feelings continues to rage around it.